Questions are a burden to others

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 01:41:55 GMT

So some girl dropped from one of the tall bridges of campus this year into a gulch. She's dead. The flowers that people put on the middle of the bridge are dead, too. I am not superstitious and I am not very respectful. I can laugh over people's graves. for example, amidst the dead flowers on the bridge are inspirational words on a regular 8.5/11 sheet of printer paper written in several different colored pens (but by the same hand). They say something sappy about a shooting star's light only lasting for a moment, but the most visible line is the one that says: "but its impact will stay with you for the rest of your life."

It's a gas

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 10:26:28 GMT

I have seen the Rolling Stones; now I am cool.

Now It Can Be Told

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 06:22:56 GMT

Dear Sir, poor sir, brave sir:
You are an experiment by the Creator of the Universe. You are the only creature in the entire Universe who has free will. You are the only one who has to figure out what to do next--and why. Everybody else is a robot, a machine.
Some persons seem to like you, and others seem to hate you, and you must wonder why. They are simply liking machines and hating machines.
You are pooped and demoralized. Why wouldn't you be? Of couse it is exhausting, having to reason all the time in a universe which wasn't meant to be reasonable.
You are surrounded by loving machines, hating machines, greedy machines, unselfish machines, brave machines, cowardly machines, truthful machines, lying machines, funny machines, solemn machines. Their only purpose is to stir you up in every conceivable way, so the Creator of the Universe can watch your reactions. They can no more feel or reason than grandfather clocks.
The Creator of the Universe would now like to apologize not only for the capricious, jostling companionship he provided during the test, but for the trashy, stinking condition of the planet itself. The Creator programmed robots to abuse it for millions of years, so it would be a poisonous, festering cheese when you got here. Also, He made sure it would be desperately crowded by programming robots, regardless of their living conditions, to crave sexual intercourse and adore infants more than almost anything.
He also programmed robots to write books and magazines and newspapers for you, and television and radio shows, and stage shows, and films. They wrote songs for you. The Creator of the Universe had them invent hundreds of religions, so you would have plenty to choose among. He had them kill each other by the millions, for this purpose only: that you be amazed. They have committed every possible atrocity and every possible kindness unfeelingly, automatically, inevitably, to get a reaction from Y-O-U.

A rhyme for every time the clock chimes

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 07:31:38 GMT

Bored bored bored.
The same familiar tune.
Naught to do at my house.
Been this way since June.
My parents left the country.
My friends are out of town.
I nap and then have nightmares.
I wake up feeling down.
This must be convalescence.
This must be how it ends.
Singing this boring tune again
to an empty household and no friends.

Staring at starfields endless
Desperate, worthless, and dumb
Likely to feel until my last breath
Inwardly frantic, Outwardly numb

Oh My Darling...

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 07:46:32 GMT

In a cavern, in a canyon, excavating for a mine
Dwelt a miner, forty-niner, and his daughter, Clementine

Light she was and like a fairy and her shoes were number nine
Herring boxes without topses sandals were for Clementine

Drove she ducklings to the water every morning just at nine
Hit her foot against a splinter, fell into the foaming brine

Ruby lips above the water blowing bubbles soft and fine
But alas, I was no swimmer so I lost my Clementine

Then the miner, forty-niner, soon began to peak and pine
Thought he oughter join his daughter, now he's with his Clementine

In my dreams she still doth haunt me robed in garments soaked in brine
Though in life I used to hug her, now she's dead I draw the line

Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine
You are lost and gone forever, dreadful sorry, Clementine

Tue, 17 May 2005 09:13:15 GMT

I am a leech, feeding off of my parents and the school.
I was going to come up with a whole list of negative things that
I am, but
I am lazy so I'll just post some fucking lyrics:

I keep looking for a place to fit in where I can speak my mind.
And I've been trying hard to find the people that I won't leave behind.
They say I've got brains, but they ain't doing me no good.
I wish they could.
Each time things start to happen again
I think I got something good going for myself, but what goes wrong

Sometimes I feel very sad.
Can't find nothing I can put my heart and soul into.

I guess I just wasn't made for these times.

Every time I get the inspiration to go change things around
No one wants to help me look for places where new things might be found.
Where can I turn when my fair-weather friends cop out?
What's it all about?
Each time things start to happen again
I think I got something good going for myself, but what goes wrong

Sometimes I feel very sad.
Can't find nothing I can put my heart and soul into.

I guess I just wasn't made for these times.

I found this in my mailbox this morning.

Sun, 15 May 2005 08:14:44 GMT

Dear Geoffrey,

The Stevenson College Academic Standing Committee has convened to review your academic progress. The preliminary reports from the Office of the Registrar indicate that your performance for Winter 2005, you are now Subject to Disqualification. (Although the official letter from the Office of the Registrar will be sent to you shortly, we college wanted to inform you sooner.) While the Stevenson Academic Standing Committee was unable to take action in March (as is normally the case acter winter quarter) due to the conversion of student records to the new AIS system, we now reviewed your records and decided to allow you to continue on Subject to Disqualification status for spring quarter.

One condition of this action is your agreement to meet with an academic preceptor/adviser before May 1, 2005 to discuss your enrollment requirements beyond spring quarter. (You must remove your grade point deficit, pass 15 credits in spring quarter, and remove any pending incompletes. Additional requirements may be explained by the preceptor/advisor during your meeting.) If you do not meet with an academic preceptor/adviser by the deadline, a hold will be placed on your enrollment for fall quarter.

Your academic situation remains one of grave risk. Your academic progress will be reviewed again at the end of spring quarter, and if you again fall under subject to disqualification status of if you fail to fulfill the enrollment requirements, you will likely be barred or disqualified from further enrollment at UCSC. Either of these actions would be noted on your permanent academic record.

Continued failure to pass courses can also jeopardize your graduation. Students are eligible to receive no more than 15 quarters of UCSC enrollment and of financial aid. If you do not pass an adequate number of courses each quarter, you may run out of both enrollment and aid eligibility before you accumulate enough credits to graduate.

For these resons, it is imperative that you understand how you can improve your academic standing. Please read the Academic Standing section of the online Navigator if you have any questions (http://reg.ucsc.edu/navigator). You may also discuss your questions with the academic preceptor/adviser. Please call the Stevenson College Office at 459-4930 as soon as possible to schedule your appointment.

Sincerely,
Ellen Suckiel
Provost

Emo is out

Sun, 01 May 2005 22:53:25 GMT

"Emo" is out. So fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you! Fuck you fuck you! Fuck! You fuck! You! Fuck you.
I'm not sorry. It's all the rage.

I have a myspace now. Someday I'll make myself out be a less depressing person. Right now I feel like being honest.

I should be sleeping like a log

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 14:22:41 GMT

Hope everyone had a delightfully green day yesterday. I, for myself, passed out, asleep, at 11:30 in a chair downstairs. Kyle woke me up at 2:00 and then I went online to see/decide what I should write my philosophy paper on. I wrote it on Zeno's paradox of motion. I will soon turn it in. It will be eight soon.

A Paradox can be said to be any logic which defies itself or, more explicitly, any acceptable premises which lead to an unacceptable conclusion. Confronted with such contradiction, and having been unable to accept it, the only option available to reconcile the inherent logical discrepancies is to find fault in either a premise or the logical means by which the premises lead to the dubious conclusion.
Zeno is a historical Greek figure from around the fifth century, B.C., known for proposing many theoretical paradoxes, the most immediately objectionable is the one in which he renounces the idea that motion is possible. This paradox has been dubbed “the Racetrack” and the argument is as follows:
To get to any given point one must travel to the point half-way distant. The same rule applies to that half-way point; one must travel half-way even to the newer, twice-as-near point in order to reach it. If time and distance are infinitely divisible, then this logic cycles to describe an infinite number of journeys which must be made in order to cross the initial distance. In effect, the first premise is that there are an infinite number of journeys to be made in order to reach any point. Secondly, Zeno says that it is impossible to make an infinite number of journeys in a finite amount of time. He finally concludes that it is impossible to travel any distance, which is to say that movement is impossible, and must therefore be an illusion.
I cannot accept that movement is impossible- that any change in perspective has been an illusion.
I agree that it is possible to divide distance and time and I agree that a journey across a distance can be described as an infinite number of journeys. The problem is that Zeno does not account at all for Time in his argument, despite having already stipulated that it is as divisible as distance. Travel must be performed at a rate, defined by distance over time. It is impossible to travel a distance instantaneously just as it is impossible to divide by zero. Time is an inextricable part of the equation that Zeno’s argument is missing. Where Zeno divides the distance in half he ignores the time factor, which should also be divided. Any distance half as long will only take half the time to cross. Provided that there be no break in time between one ‘journey’ to the next, there is no harm in describing the full distance in as many [proportionately small] segments as Zeno could want.
Rate of Travel = Distance/Time
He runs into contradiction when he tries to add up an infinite number small increments of time, but not proportionately small, which would makes his rate of travel infinitely small, meaning infinitely slow, meaning no movement at all. What he might have said was that an infinite number of journeys can be made in a finite amount of time if each journey takes a proportionately (infinitely) small amount of time and there are no break between them. For if the travel is performed at a rate of 1, then the distance and time must remain the same as one another, and though, strictly speaking, it is impossible to use the concept infinity within a calculable equation, it may help to conceptualize it as one. Just as
1 = 1 / 1 and 1 = 2 / 2 and 1 = 4 / 4
1 could be thought of as infinity divided by itself. To remain strict, infinity divided by itself is to say an infinite number of infinitely small things, which, as I said before, can’t really be said of any given situation; infinity over itself is more of a way of describing the fact that there is no limit to either numerator nor denominator.
There is no contradiction between the formula [ r = d / t ] and traveling any amount of distance over time, nor any contradiction with traveling no distance over time, as Zeno concluded must be the case. Both are perfect functions of the same principle. What Zeno seems to have been thinking was that if there is no ‘next’ point to reach, how is it that anything can be said to getting anywhere in the first place? That was is downfall, because ‘next’ is only a vague increment of time, one that makes sense only in a sequence or one that, having been identified, can be plugged into a formula. He, however, failed to rationalize or specify time increments in his argument, which can now be seen to be flawed not for any direct contradiction of premises, but for lacking the stipulation that, not only are time and distance both infinitely divisible, they must be equally divided.

In Space everything is a stone's throw away.

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 08:25:57 GMT

This is what I do when I want to talk to somebody, but there is nobody. I go online and talk to myself.
I'm behind on schoolwork already. I must write a score for a six piece ensemble: bass, four-voice chord spellings, and my solo. That's one of three things I must do for that class by Thursday. There are two other melodies for me to write.
Kyle is still acts paranoid about people busting him smoking. Still tries to hide it; peers through the crack of his door when I knock, as if I care. Maybe he just doesn't want to share. That's fair enough.
-a very iffee hero guy

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 09:11:47 GMT

I have an 8 o'clock class tomorrow so I should be sleeping. Or writing that melody for Jazz that I haven't done. That'll be time consuming, as it always is, perhaps more so this time. I went to the gym this evening. That's abnormal. I made fish and chips in danny's new deep fryer. That was fabulous. I've been playing some tennis. It's not quite as difficult as I remember it.
I'm tired. Too bad love's something you have to earn.

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 09:01:54 GMT

Just beat Half-Life 2. Good, but I was frustrated by the end. Couldn't that wretched suit give me at least the time of the explosion to revel in my victory? See at least 30 seconds of aftermath? Bastard.

Jazz class is cool. I'm being forced to write melodies each week, and this time even spell out the backing chords and their rhythm. Time consuming though, until I much improve. I hope to.

Geoff

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 07:03:27 GMT

This quarter is looking like:
-Philosophical Puzzles & Paradoxes
-Jazz Theory
-The Beatles Music seminar

Ironically, though the seminar I'm taking is more of a smaller, upper-division class it would have been better for me to take the huge lecture class because it satisfies a GE requirement. Jazz theory holds the same timeslot, though. c'est la vie.

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 16:35:03 GMT

I got an F, a Pass, and a C+

Discouraged.

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 07:36:14 GMT

back at school

Sun, 27 Mar 2005 15:54:19 GMT

finally got to see people yesterday. I've been home since wednesday but haven't been able to see anyone and it was very frustrating for me. I've been sleeping at the weirdest hours. I've been going to sleep at ten, or six, or noon, getting up around seven, or nine, or four in the morning. so for the most part this second half of spring break has been lame. I've been occupying myself with downloading every Queen video i can find, and i figured out Somebody to Love on piano. On friday I got wimpy blister and a hoarse voice from playing it so much and trying to sing like freddie mercury. been moody, too. being interrupted when i'm in the middle of a song puts me in a foul mood. it almost ruined my day yesterday, sadly enough.

O why O why do my eyes burn so much when I smoke? So much more than any others'.

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 19:20:09 GMT

this was the first cloudy day here. i hadn't expected to be wanting for sunglasses in england. yesterday the whole middle of town was shut down for a protest, so it was a bitch getting from one side of the city to another. we marched against british troops in the middle east for a short time on our way from camden markets to the westminster pier. "Get the hell out of there! that's OUR fucking country!" I got a nice wehrmacht coat in camden for £10. today we visited the inside of abbey road studios and in studio two we watched a movie called Backbeat. We had never heard of it and had only bought admission to it to see the studio but we fucking lucked out; it was a black and white movie about Stuart Sudcliffe and the beatles' early days in Hamburg. so lucky. I was thinking it was going to be something stupid like Drumline or whatever that teen movie was. I had them confused. walked across the most famous zebra crossing in london a few times and took the ferry to Kew Gardens, but didn't go in because it turned out to have a £10 admission price and it closed at 5:30. and of course we had picked the first dreary day here to do it so the ferry ride was not quite so pleasant as it might have been. tomorrow we're gonna see the queen musical. ha! that still cracks me up. it's called "We Will Rock You." oh lordy. anyway. i'm trying to keep this journal a secret from my dad so i'm gonna make sure i finish before him. ciao.

Geoff

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 20:42:31 GMT

I am in London. I have been up since 9:00 thursday morning and it is now.. let me check my digital watch... 12:40pm on friday PST. It's only 8:40 at night here. The view of Manhattan coming into JFK was spectacular, and the Chrysler building was lit up in green for saint patrick's day. My dad and I spent most of today wandering about the greater city, and within the last few hours we've been bar/pub-hopping. good stuff. most fun. we toured the underground bunker in which the defense of Britain in WWII was organized. I got a poster of Winston Churchill with a tommy gun. I gotta go now. bye.

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 10:09:16 GMT

OMFG I am totally stressing out like crazy and I just want to rip my hair out and split my skull on my headboard in anguish I can't believe my life has become such a downward spiral of disappointment and grief what shall i do?

Nah, I'm just kidding. You should have known that from the moment I used one of those god-forsaken online ackronyms. School's out for me and I'm off to London tomorrow! My only stress has to do with how I'm going to occupy myself during the ten+ hours of flight time. I'm leaving thursday, returning tuesday, I believe. My dad will be showing me around, buying me clothes, buying me drinks. I don't know how I feel about wandering about by myself, but we will each have a cell phone so it will certainly be an option. I'm glad I'm doing something this spring break, but something tells me it won't feel so much like spring over there. I think it was the weather report that said that the temperature is likely to be in the forties. I guess that's all I'd to say. Cheerio. I'll see you on the flip side.

Geoff

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 17:40:24 GMT

I failed a class this quarter.

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 08:19:03 GMT

I'm going to London with my dad for spring break.

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 05:21:47 GMT

wish you gave me your number
wish i could call you today, just to hear a voice
i got a long way to go
i'm getting further away
if i didn't know the difference living alone'd probably be ok
it wouldn't be lonely
i got a long way to go
i'm getting further away
alot of hours to occupy, it was easy when i didn't know you yet
things i'd have to forget
but i better be quiet now
i'm tired of wasting my breath
carrying on and getting upset
maybe i got a problem, but that's not what i wanted to say
i'd prefer to say nothing.
i got a long way to go
i'm getting further away.
had a dream as an army man with an order just to march in my place
while a dead enemy screams in my face
but i better be quiet now
i'm tired of wasting my breath
carrying on, not over it yet
wish i knew what you're doing
and why you want to do it this way, so i can't go the distance
i got a long way to go
i'm getting further away
i got a long way to go
i'm getting further away

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 17:28:51 GMT

In the last two days i've had a semi-gnarly cough♥ That is a really gnarly one that got better quickly and is now merely a huge annoyance♥ Phlegm tastes disgusting♥ This morning I woke up at 5 thirty with a very bloody nose, and I am curious as to how I managed to wake up, notice, and get a whole shload of tissues without getting blood on myself or my sheets♥ Time soon to go to music section, then perform a test in jazz, then walk up two hills to my violent universe class♥ I should get my midterm back♥

♥Geoff♥

it seems two days ago i was wondering why i hadn't heard from mark recently

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 12:36:27 GMT

Yesterday I passed up a ride back to Fremont to see the school orchestra. Tonight was the Meeting of the Order of the Church of Satan. It was to start at 10, but I fell asleep after 9:10 and woke up at 11:04. I followed the path of glow sticks through the woods alone until I came across the fire. We sat drinking for a long time, even through the rain, but when the fire went out Jason still had not returned from a walk of his. Wayne was utterly drunk and I had to chase him down through the dark forest; he kept falling down and making ridiculous demands. It was all a huge ordeal, but when I returned I was very pleased to find Kyle up smoking weed and this message awaiting me on my computer screen:

RANma755: GEOFF GEOFF GEOFF
RANma755: GOOD NEWS!!!!
RANma755: I Just got an email from Mark Gordon
RANma755: the end of it reads as follows
RANma755: " P.S. Matt (Spanish) from Mid-Pen is teaching here now."
RANma755 signed off at 3:18:40 AM.

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 18:50:08 GMT

I shoulda learned to play the guitar.
I shoulda learned to play them drums.
Look at that mama. She got it sticking in the camera, man
We could have some fun.
And who's up there? What's that? Hawaiian noises?
He's banging them bongos like a chimpanzee.
Oh that ain't working;
That's the way you do it.
Get your money for nothing
and your chicks for free.